ew ew ew ew ewww

Pregnancy is nasty!... as of 15 minutes ago I've lost my mucus plug - for those of you who don't know, that's this lovely thick mucus like thing that blocks bacteria from going through your cervix.  Once it's come out, labor will undoubtedly follow within a couple of days.

But I can't even describe to you what it looks like.  There are no words.  Nor do I think you really want to know.  All I can say is it looks kind of like a slug.  Or at least mine did.

All I wanted to do was use the bathroom. I guess this was a bonus! Being the naive person that I am, I wasn't entirely convinced it was my mucus plug.  Maybe I was in denial?  So I wash my hands and get my mom out of bed.  There, displayed on the bathroom counter on a piece of 2-ply toilet paper was "the slug."  She even ran back and got her glasses so she could get a better look (only a true mother/nurse would do that).  She said, "yeah, I guess that's the plug... things are happening," and went back to bed.

So then I did what any curious person would, I googled "mucus  plug" just to make sure.  I read some articles and even scrounged up the courage to search google images.  Yup.  It's the mucus plug.

So now not only am I 2 cm dilated, but I've lost my plug! There's no holding back this baby.  I've been so anxious for the past 39 weeks and 4 days and now that the time has come I'm totally wimping out! I'm terrified.  A full sized baby has to somehow maneuver it's way out of me and rumor has it, it isn't pain free.  For a while I was thinking it would be cool to experience a natural birth.  Now I want morphine.  Knock me out.  There's no way I can do it.  There's no way he's going to come out.  I can see myself now, in a ball of sweat, crying, screaming, running away from nurses.  I think before I was all yeah, I can do this.  I'm gonna birth the shit outta this baby because I knew it wasn't happening anytime soon.  But now that the time is nearing, I'm becoming much more realistic.  I mean, many people do it multiple times and survive, so the statistics are pretty good... but I just wish there was a way to have some sort of black out, wake up, and have the baby in my arms!... a girl can dream, can't she?!