The Truth About Labor, Delivery and Postpartum

OK, I know everyone is different and every pregnancy is unique... but here is the truth about what happened to moi during labor, delivery and the postpartum period.  Some things I wish I knew about, some things I wish I didn't, some things I wish I never did...

LABOR:

Focal points my ass.  All you hear about is breathing through contractions, try to relax, listen to music, find a focal point, walk around, get a massage... Are you serious? There comes a point where absolutely nothing is going to make you feel better. By the time I was at 5 centimeters all I wanted to do was scream, get morphine, black out and wake up with a baby.

Not getting pain meds will speed up the process.  From the time my water broke to the time I started pushing was 7 hours and 20 minutes.  However, OUCH!  It took me almost 3 days to dilate up to 5 cm, then it took only one and a half hours to dilate from 5 to 10.  There's no telling what your body is going to do

Take a bath.  It's relaxing during contractions.  However, don't be surprised with all of the nasty stuff that ends up in the water. Blood, mucous, and who knows what else.  I hated it because you have absolutely no control over whats coming out of your body.  But at the same time, you really don't care.

Lastly, when you really need a hand to squeeze or someone to hold on to... either the nurse won't be there or your labor coach will be too busy texting everyone with updates (ahem... mom)

DELIVERY:

Seriously, what hole is that baby coming out of? It was unreal, but I felt so much pain in my butt. I honestly thought he was coming out of the "other end" if ya catch my drift.

As much pain as you can be in, pushing somehow seems to alleviate all of it.  You get to a point and you just know yes, pushing would feel great

The amount of fluid that comes gushing out is unreal.  I don't even know where it comes from.

POSTPARTUM:

It's like all of the pain immediately disappears and within 5 seconds you can't even remember what it felt like

You might be naked and it will take you about 30 minutes to realize it.

No matter how gross you think it is, they're going to plop the baby on top of you, body fluids, blood, crusties and all

No matter what you do, no matter how curious you may be... wait at least 3 weeks to look "down there." At least by that point it's somewhat back to normal.

A Baby Story: Austin Xavier Jones

Who would have thought that about 30 minutes after my last blog post I would have gone into labor?!... If you just want to look at baby pictures keep scrolling...

The best way I can describe labor and delivery without dishing out all of the juicy (literally juicy) details: Exorcism.  I felt like someone was giving me an exorcism.  Here's how it started...

Columbus Day weekend, my brother and his girlfriend drive up from Maryland in high hopes that I have the baby over the long weekend.  I warned them it was doubtful, I really thought I was going late.  That Friday at my doctors appointment I found out I was 1 cm dilated, so she stripped my membranes.  But she warned me that I could stay this way for a whole week and not make progress.  Saturday I was feeling pretty crampy, which is normal after stripping membranes, so I didn't think anything of it.  I went to my high schools football game, went out shopping and went about my normal day.  Then (as we all know from my last blog entry) around midnight I lost my mucous plug.  Again, I didn't think anything of it because people lose their mucous plug weeks before going into labor. So I snuggle in to bed and write an entry about how nasty that was... then sure enough, just before 1 am I feel a pound on my cervix.  I knew that wasn't normal so I run to the bathroom and sure enough, my water broke.  It was the weirdest feeling.  I guess it's like peeing your pants and not being able to stop.  I holler at my mom, call the hospital and call the baby daddy (who couldn't believe it was happening the one weekend he decided to go to Boston). 

Around 1:30 my mom and I have gathered my things and her knitting bag (pshhh, she thought she had time for knitting) and headed to the hospital.  On the way there I experience my first contraction.  It was like a sharp pain that started in my back and wrapped around to my lower stomach.  It was tolerable, but uncomfortable. They were about 4 minutes apart.  We checked in at the hospital and I was 3 cm dilated.  I got into my room, put on those snazzy looking gowns, and enjoyed the increased pain of contractions. Bending over, rubbing my back, walking around, squeezing my moms hand, finding a focal point, breathing through them, a warm bath.  That only works for so long.

Around 6 am they give me a dose of Fentanyl, a pain reliever.  It worked for about an hour and mom and I caught some sleep.  I could sleep for a few minutes between contractions, and just breathed through the contractions.  Within the hour either the medicine wore of or my contractions were getting much stronger.  I asked for another dose in high hopes that it would knock me out, but to no avail.  I just kept grabbing my mom, telling her I want morphine and a c-section.  At this point they checked me again and I was 5 cm dilated.  My response: "What the f**k, that's it?" And as only my mom can do, she says "Sara, I know you're in pain, but lets not use this language." I then go to sit on the toilet to "open my pelvis" and that is when the horror began...

My contractions were coming on fast and furious and I was even in pain between contractions, too!  I could no longer breath through them, I had to scream, grunt, moan.  I was practically clawing at my mom anytime she was more than a foot away from me.  I looked up at my mom with puppy dog eyes and told her I WANT THE EPIDURAL! Of course, as a nurse, she knew it was too late, but I didn't care.  Give me the damn thing.  Then they tried another warm bath to relax me.  I was in there no more than 5 minutes and I knew, it was time to push.

Now it was 8:20 in the morning and the doctor wasn't there yet, so the nurse ensured me she'd catch him when he came out.  After about 10 minutes of pushing next thing I know I have an oxygen mask on, they run to get another nurse, they're changing my position, telling me to stop pushing. To anyone who has ever been in labor, it's feels next to impossible to stop pushing.  It's an urge I can't even explain. Come to find out after birth, my little man's heart rate had dropped from a healthy 140 to 50.  His head was being squished by my contractions so I had to stop pushing to stabilize him.  After about 10 minutes of not pushing I was in the clear again.  It was just like you see on tv, with an exhausted woman bearing down and everyone else yelling, you're almost there! keep pushing! one more! i see the head!

Then all of a sudden, I don't know what came over me, but my upper body practically threw itself off the bed and I let out a blood curdling scream. The head was out and the rest of him literally flew out after.  The best part of that pain? The one horrible, deathly scream I let out- my dad, brother and girlfriend are walking into the hospital and heard the scream OUTSIDE.  I was the only on in labor so there was no denying it was me.  

On October 7, 2012 at 9 a.m. my little man was born. I was in such shock of how fast everything happened.  Within 8 hours of my water breaking I was holding my wide eyed baby in my arms.  I was a mother. 

So here he is, Austin Xavier Jones.  Born 10/7/12 at 9 am sharp.  7 pounds, 1.4 ounces.  20 1/2 inches long. He is the love of my life!

ew ew ew ew ewww

Pregnancy is nasty!... as of 15 minutes ago I've lost my mucus plug - for those of you who don't know, that's this lovely thick mucus like thing that blocks bacteria from going through your cervix.  Once it's come out, labor will undoubtedly follow within a couple of days.

But I can't even describe to you what it looks like.  There are no words.  Nor do I think you really want to know.  All I can say is it looks kind of like a slug.  Or at least mine did.

All I wanted to do was use the bathroom. I guess this was a bonus! Being the naive person that I am, I wasn't entirely convinced it was my mucus plug.  Maybe I was in denial?  So I wash my hands and get my mom out of bed.  There, displayed on the bathroom counter on a piece of 2-ply toilet paper was "the slug."  She even ran back and got her glasses so she could get a better look (only a true mother/nurse would do that).  She said, "yeah, I guess that's the plug... things are happening," and went back to bed.

So then I did what any curious person would, I googled "mucus  plug" just to make sure.  I read some articles and even scrounged up the courage to search google images.  Yup.  It's the mucus plug.

So now not only am I 2 cm dilated, but I've lost my plug! There's no holding back this baby.  I've been so anxious for the past 39 weeks and 4 days and now that the time has come I'm totally wimping out! I'm terrified.  A full sized baby has to somehow maneuver it's way out of me and rumor has it, it isn't pain free.  For a while I was thinking it would be cool to experience a natural birth.  Now I want morphine.  Knock me out.  There's no way I can do it.  There's no way he's going to come out.  I can see myself now, in a ball of sweat, crying, screaming, running away from nurses.  I think before I was all yeah, I can do this.  I'm gonna birth the shit outta this baby because I knew it wasn't happening anytime soon.  But now that the time is nearing, I'm becoming much more realistic.  I mean, many people do it multiple times and survive, so the statistics are pretty good... but I just wish there was a way to have some sort of black out, wake up, and have the baby in my arms!... a girl can dream, can't she?!

Holy $h!t

I've just been strolling along through pregnancy like it's just no big deal.  Like I'm a 6 year old eating ice cream and skipping down the sidewalk.  It's been easy, like, really easy.  No morning sickness, no severe pains, no braxton hicks contractions, no bed rest. NOTHING!  I played competitive basketball until I was about 22 weeks.  I've been coaching basketball, lacrosse and field hockey.  I've been working. My life literally hasn't changed at all for pregnancy. Every time somebody asks how it's going all I can say is "pretty good, same ol' same ol.'" If I said anything else it'd be a lie.  The best way I can describe my pregnancy is that I was just hanging out, living life, and growing a baby.

Well now.... I guess there is something to report:

I had a doctor's appointment today.  I'm currently 39 weeks, 5 days away from my due date.  The doctor went along with her usual routine.  As she puts [very cold] lubrication on her glove, I know what's next.  The vaginal exam.  It's a rather uncomfortable process.  All of a sudden her mouth drops, her eyes widen and she says "This is exciting!"  I immediately thought she was going to say that I needed to go to the hospital and deliver this baby. Wrong. (Insert sigh of relief here).  She said the baby's head has dropped and I'm 1+ centimeters dilated, almost 2.  I haven't felt a damn thing, when the hell did this happen?  So then she stripped my membranes, which can speed up the process, and was also the most uncomfortable and longest 5 seconds of my life.

So I'm progressing, but don't get too excited... It doesn't mean I'm going in to labor.  I could stay this way for a couple of days, maybe a week.  All I know is this news made me 10 times more excited and 100 times more scared.  This whole time I've had this thought that I'm just never going to have this baby.  Welp, go figure, I was wrong.  The process has begun. Bring it on motherhood!