The first few nights home I was absolutely terrified. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing or what I should be doing. I was scared to be left alone with AJ. Luckily my mom took a day off of work and my aunt was on vacation all week so she came over everyday to help me. The initial lack of sleep was a huge adjustment to make. Breast feeding was terrible. Neither me or Austin could really figure it out. That's probably the most frustrating thing I've dealt with this month. It was relieving to talk to other mothers and hear that it took them 3 weeks to get into good nursing habits, you just have to hang in there! And they were right, after 3 weeks it seemed like we figured it out.
For the first two weeks I cried pretty much everyday. For what? I'm not sure. Lack of sleep, frustration with nursing, feeling like I had absolutely no clue what I should do. Not knowing what to do when he's fussy. Thinking I'm not doing a good job. I soon realized that even if I don't know what I'm doing, he's still alive so I must be doing something right. When he's hungry, I feed him. When he's dirty I change his diapers. When he cries, I comfort him. Turns out I'm doing the best I can and with encouragement from my family, I'm doing everything right :)
Two weeks ago I also tried to get back into somewhat of my old life. I started going back to basketball practices at CMCC. Our season opener was around the corner and I was itching to get back into the gym, see the girls, and see what they had been working on. I try to make it to as many practices and games as I can, however it's a little stressful trying to coordinate schedules with a newborn who has no schedule. I have to give a big shout out to my parents for watching him while I'm gone... but I honestly want to check in with them every 5 minutes to make sure AJ's ok and see what he's up to. I get separation anxiety and miss him so much!
Motherhood has been amazing. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I love waking up and seeing my little man and I look forward to seeing what he's got up his sleeve. He is already progressing with focusing and tracking with his eyes. He'll follow voices and faces. His neck and legs are so strong! He can hold his head up for a while, but then sometimes it just kind of hangs there and he has to dumbest look on his face. But it's so adorable. He has so much hair and it naturally is styled like a mohawk. He's a boss.
Now, enjoy some afreakingdorable baby pictures
